Secrets of Success and Failure
Exposed by Top Mentors

For a successful Mentor what are the key 'secrets of success'?

I've asked them many times in my 30years of experience and have summarised their most common answers below.

The definition of success we use is: achieving the optimum returns on mentoring investments and the optimum releasing and realising of mentees' potential and personal growth

In no specific order of priority, these are the top Mentors' 'Secrets of Success':

* mentors and mentees to own their mentoring process, self-manage it and be held accountable for doing so - after all, we manage own own lives! - and can manage a mentoring programme

* understand that mentoring is a complex adaptive system and to value that, and the differences that emerge from it, highly

* facilitate mentoring as a means of creating the 6 Conditions described below:

1. a mentoring environment which is learning-focused, blame-free, failure-free, inspiring and a 'sanctuary' based on intrinsic motivation characteristics of responsibility, recognition, interesting learning and work, initiative, achievement and advancement

2. a mentoring relationship of mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual high support, mutual high challenge, honesty, synergy and an appropriately encouraging value system.

The Mentor and mentee(s) must build this self-managing relationship by working as a synergistic team of partners helping, supporting and challenging each other

3. a mentoring environment which acts as a 'mirror' and reflects the mentee's, mentor's and leader's internal environment by giving and receiving feedback; positive reinforcement and valuing differences

4. a living role model and demonstration of self-management, 'green box' attitudes and choices, self belief, self-sabotaging-free, encouragement and lots of fun, as it is applied to the external environment

5. a positive mindset and willingness to take ownership and a future-focus of potential (our past is not our potential), hope, belief and success and an abundance attitude of sharing freely and appropriately all they learn with others

6. transparent communications, especially active listening, questioning and summarising; no secrets or jargon; confidentiality and works as a 'lubricant' for the other 5 conditions.

* create synergy (i.e. 2 + 2 = 5) from self management and encourage some 'unattainable goals' for learning purposes ('impossibilities' are unrealised, that is they are potential also)

* eliminate interference factors such as downward overlapping (i.e. p = p - i : Performance = Potential - Interference)

* encourage informal leadership and mentoring by every one as integrated aspects of company culture

* where appropriate, have a two-tier mentoring system (e.g. mentors' mentors)

* develop mentoring as a microcosm of a desired future culture (e.g. a learning organisation; total alignment of employees; upward overlapping)

* be proactive about creating positive self-fulfilling prophecies with self, mentee(s) and leader(s)

* trust the process and the people involved (including you)

* avoid / eliminate the 6 negative behaviours listed below:

The best mentors would say they not compatible with their role and they can become the 'Secrets of Failure' (along with others listed below): 

** to follow 'mechanically' a one-size-fits-all rigid mentoring checklist (that inhibits or obstructs adapting to the mentee's legitimate needs)

** to do as he or she is told by 'management', to comply, without positive discussion ('yes boss, whatever you say' means that either the boss or the mentor or both are in the wrong 'job')

** to be a messenger between the mentee(s) and others (how would this help the mentee(s) to realise more of his or her  potential?) 

** to not question everything for learning purposes (potential is unrealised possibilities, questioning is essential for the 'unrealised' to become 'realised')

** to adopt or work to low standards (in anything. The mentor is a role model for others)

** to NOT do the right things even if others won't or cannot (the mentor and mentee(s) are catalysts for positive change, not for the status quo or 'stuck' paradigms).

Other Secrets of Failure in addition to the 6 listed above:

If the mentor and / or mentee display attitudes that include:

* being arrogant or adopting a ‘superior’ attitude with colleagues because they’ve been given this amazing ‘vote of confidence’ (and others haven’t – yet)

* communicating with your behaviour that you are coasting along doing only the minimum you can get away with (e.g. never going the extra mile and/or easily accepting low standards)

* showing an attitude of self-centredness with little or no humility or regard for others (e.g. everything is open for ‘negotiation’ as long as it yields only the best deal for you)

* Behaving or accepting others' behaviours that lead to:

 - dependency (e.g. a mentee on his or her mentor)

 - deceit or factually incorrect reporting (i.e. dishonesty, lieing)

 - 'victim' mindset and / or behaviour (i.e. poor me or why me?)

 - taking unfair advantage of others (i.e. betrayal of trust)

 - taking the easy convenient route of low standards (i.e. laziness, can’t be bothered, I don’t care)

 - staying stuck in individual or collective 'comfort zones' (e.g. with addictive habits, nobody else is doing it, I can’t / won't do it)

 - blaming others (e.g. it’s not my fault, he did it)

 - illegal actions or deliberately damaging actions to self or others

[this is one time, if not the only time, that the CONFIDENTIALITY aspect of mentoring may need to be bypassed if there is a safety or wellbeing risk to mentee(s) or others and / or a commercial risk to the company].

IN SUMMARY:

That's a lot to absorb but most of it reflects the values and beliefs a Mentor and Mentee(s) hold or will develop through the mentoring process, especially with the training and learning opportunities we will create with them. 

Their relationship is at the heart of mentoring and requires seven key elements:

* mutual trust (i.e. I know you that you will not take unfair advantage of me);

* mutual respect;

* honesty, especially in open communications;

* giving and receiving feedback for learning purposes;

* synergy (i.e. by working together you and your mentee(s) will achieve more than by working as individuals: 2 + 2 = 5);

* having fun together;

* mutual high support, high challenge.

The Mentor's major success criterion is: help your mentee(s) to help you to help she or he to release and realise more of their potential than they have ever done before.

Everything described above is a 'Secret of Success' that will facilitate the achievement of the success criterion above.

None of it is theory. 

It is the best practice of the best Mentors.  

And now it belongs to you.